Seriously?

You know, this crazy thing called adoption can really get to a person. Not that I wished I hadn't done it, but sometimes....uh, I just don't know what to say. So, I previously posted on the unpredictable EP situation and it has continued to be just that....unpredictable. Korea was supposed to issue EPs this month as well as submissions, but decided not to. Instead, they are doing other random things. So, when will we see some movement here? Unfortunately, no one knows. And why are they doing this? Politics? Regardless, there are many families and children suffering because of this whole deal. Ours included. I don't know that my boys are affected all that much and I can't say that Troy has had quite the visceral response that I have. I suppose it is the whole mom thing coming into play. It is my role to protect my babies and make sure that they are safe and happy. Not that I don't think Emmeline is safe and happy with her foster family, because I am certain that she is. I want that role, though. I am the mom and I need that baby girl home with me!
My heart aches for all of those caught up in this. I don't think it is fair to any of us and it is so hard not having any answers. Will our kids come home this year....next year....ever? I am thankful that I can talk with the other adoptive moms and we can share our feelings with each other. No offense to anyone else, but I truly don't think these feelings can be fully understood unless you are going through it. And, I don't wish that on anyone. This is pretty painful.
I compare all of this to the time when I was going through infertility treatment. There were major steps with each passing month and you didn't know if you passed that step until you went into see the doctor. If the body didn't do what it was supposed to, you take a step back and try again. And again and again. New meds, more meds....waiting. Now it is paperwork, paperwork...waiting. The good news is that patience and fortitude pays off in the end. I have three wonderful boys to show for it! And God willing, I will have a beautiful baby girl, too.
Continued prayers for us and all families that are troubled right now are greatly appreciated. And please pray for our children on the other side of the world.

The Roller Coaster Ride

Happy 1st Birthday to my baby girl on the other side of the world! It is so difficult to be away from her on her birthday. I knew this was going to happen, but it doesn't make it any easier. I did partake in some Happy Joes pizza and some ice cream in remembrance of the day. So, that was a plus!
We got some bad news from Korea yesterday. They are not giving out any Emigration Permits this month and are not allowing any new submissions. That was our next step. They will be giving EPs out at the end of July and we hope to be submitted for one then. No one knows what is going to happen. It is very possible that we won't get one this year. The Korean government has started to limit that amount of international adoptions that take place. I am praying that we get an EP. I did not anticipate having to wait nearly a year to get our daughter. When we signed up with Korea, we were told that we would travel four to eight months from the time of referral. Our agency, of course, did not anticipate this...no one did. They always advocate for the parents and the children, so I know they will work hard to get the kids home. I planned on the full eight months, but was hoping for six. Now, it could be more. Our agency does not know too many of the details, but they do know this has not happened before. Why is it that every country we choose has some sort of hold up? I just want my baby girl home. This is so hard. Please pray for us and for her.

The Big White Envelope

I opened our mailbox on Thursday to find one of the forms I have been waiting for.....our I600 approval! I don't know that I have been so excited to see a piece of paperwork in the mail. I suppose that's not true because I get super excited with every step that gets done in this process. I went into work that day just to fax it to Lisa at Holt. They are two hours behind us, so I was hoping she would get it. I called on Friday to make sure the fax made it to her desk, and alas, it hadn't. I was glad that I called. Who knows how long it would have sat there. From what I understand, she was going to enter that into the computer. I don't know why, but I will take it as a good thing. If I am correct, that information will be sent over to the embassy in Korea. I believe her Visa may be filed for upon receiving that form, but that is a complete guess. When talking to Lisa, I asked if Emme would have precidence for her EP over other cases simply because she is a waiting child. From what I understand, it doesn't make much of a difference. It is all about when the acceptance paperwork was sent in. Had I known this in March, I wouldn't have sat on it for that extra day...as if that makes a difference. Not that I want to be placed ahead of other families that have been waiting for their kids because that wouldn't be fair (although I could accept it ;-) ). However, if they would just add one more EP to the day, I would, of course, prefer that it be Emme's.
I am hoping to have good news regarding her EP next month, but we shall see. I continue to pray to God that He bring my baby girl home to me as fast as He can. That's all I can do...this is and always has been, in His hands.

Patience is a Virtue

I have written consistently on what it is like to wait. This, unfortunately, isn't like waiting in line at the grocery store where the end is actually in sight. Although I can scarcely see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is there and I have to have faith that it will get brighter and brighter as time passes. But, what to do with all of this time? I decided to call Holt this past Monday to see where Emme is in obtaining her EP (emigration permit). Lisa tells me that my wait could still be a long one...they have just started with the children whose acceptance papers were submitted in March. We didn't submit until the middle of April. Sigh. I then contacted immigration to see where in tarnation my I-600 is hiding. She was actually nice enough to get it done that day. So, that should be in my hot little hands next week. Not to mention that I thought I only had to wait a week and half to two weeks to get that and it has been over a month. Sigh again. The good news is that most of the paperwork on our end is done, at least for now. Although, the nerd in me wants more busywork to do. I know, very sad.
I sent over our first care package on Monday also. It took about one week for me to compile all the things I wanted to send over. Thanks to a great new friend that I met in our Parents in Process meeting (thanks Heather), I was able to send over some neat stuff. I purchased a recordable book with Daddy, Mommy and Owen reading it, a Sesame Street book with little CDs, little snacks, a dolly holding a soft blankie, three or four onesies, chocolate for the foster family, a toy camera, disposable cameras and a few other small things. I actually got to wrap some of the gifts in princess paper. Weird. The only paper around here is monster trucks, Spiderman or Mario. This will taking a little getting used to, but I am up to the task! Emmeline's birthday is on the 23rd, so I am hoping it makes it there in time.
I have also been purchasing things for Emme's room. I have decided on a pink and green (although mainly pink of course) motif. When Troy takes the boys to the races in a couple of weeks, I have to get some work done in there. Drew is going into Tate's room with him and I think they are going to love bunking together. Drew is not too thrilled about being alone in his room now, so the timing should be good. Hopefully, all goes well.
On that note, that is all the news for now. I am hoping for nothing but good news and eagerly anticipate that travel call!

An Empty House

It isn't very often that Troy and I are at the house all by ourselves! My in-laws are in town and took all three boys camping across the river. I should be doing many different things, but can't seem to get myself off this chair. The house is so quiet. Let me tell you this...I love my boys as much as any mother can love her children, but just thinking about what I would like to do today is lovely. My plan was to plant some flowers, but the rain has dissolved that thought! Perhaps later this afternoon. Troy is parked in front of the television. Two races in one day! And he can watch every minute of them (not that he will because I am sure he will sleep). I love you boys, but I am really enjoying my restful afternoon.
So, where are we in the adoption process? A good guess would be waiting for something. You would be correct. We have sent in the I-600 form, which is basically permission to accept an orphan into our family permanently. This is different from the I-600A, which is the advance petitioning for an orphan. We already received that one back, so hopefully, the next form will come quickly. I sent it in two weeks ago and was told it would be seven to ten business days before receiving approval, so hopefully, it will come this week. Emme's emigration permit has been applied for (I think) and that will take about two months to get back. Then, her visa is applied for. I believe this takes a couple of weeks. There is also a few more steps beyond that. We are hoping she will be home in September or October. The earlier the better if you ask me. Unfortunately, no one asks.
I underestimated the feelings I would undergo as we await our travel call. People ask me often how many children I have. My instant answer is three. That is not true any longer. I have four....one I have yet to meet. It is truly a strange thing...knowing I have a little girl who is nearly one and lives on the other side of the world. It is a difficult thing to wrap my mind around. So, yes, I have four kids...yet it really doesn't seem that way. It will.

Emme

One of the main reasons that adoption takes so long is because of governmental policy...not just that of the United States government, but Korea also. It seems that every division is just so backed up! For example, our little girl's visa takes two months to get and then there is more waiting after that. I just submitted her legal paperwork and our I-600 immigration form on Monday, so hopefully we will hear back from that late next week. Then, we wait. And wait. And wait. And then probably wait some more. But, this is what we signed up for. And I will wait as long as I need to in order to get my daughter home! I look at her picture every day and wonder what she is doing at that very moment. It seems strange to me that I know she exists, but she has no idea who I am! She will eventually....I hope she likes me.
We finally decided on a name for our little girl. Troy took a while to come around to it, but put it on the mother's ring he got me for Mother's Day. What a guy! We haven't quite decided on Emmeline or Emmelyn, but we will call her Emme. Also, we have chosen Joelle for her middle name. This is Jo for my mom, -ell for my grandma, and my middle name is Daelle, so it's close to mine. All in all, I am thrilled. My little prize...my Emme.

My Boys

I was just checking my blog tonight and noticed the picture of all three boys at the top. I found myself wondering about time and curious as to how it passes so quickly. That picture was taken one year ago on Easter. To me, my boys look the same, but if they were standing in front of me right now, I would see the differences in them. In this life, the only job I ever really wanted was to be a mom. Everything else came after it. Last night, the boys were particularly clingy. So much that I hid in the laundry room just for ten minutes of peace and quiet. Tonight, I am embarrassed by that. They are little for such a short period of time and there I was, huddled in the laundry room. Now, I do think that every mom needs some time away, so maybe it is just guilt that I am feeling. I love my boys with every ounce of my being. My life would be empty without them. God gave me three precious children and sometimes I just need to remind myself that it won't be like this for long. That is actually a song by Darius Rucker (Hootie). I am not a fan of his, but this song has deep meaning. It seems like they grow an inch in the blink of an eye. I simply want my boys to know that I love them more than anyone else ever could and I will never stop hugging them too long or kissing them one to many times. No matter how big they get, they will always be my little boys.