First Birthday in Seoul

I know that Emmeline has been one since June, but I was recently sent some pictures of her birthday party at Holt! Many children with June birthdays were there. The first birthday is a big deal in Korea. As you can see, the kids have special outfits to wear. I am so glad to receive these pictures. Looks like all of the children were having fun!

Where Have I Been?

Wow, is it time for me to update this blog or what? It's not like I have been busy or anything....okay, maybe just a bit. The month of October has been very good to me! And that the good Lord for that! In the beginning of the month, we got word that Emmeline was submitted for her EP!!!! What wonderful news this was for us. I was actually on Facebook when I saw that a friend had written "AAAAAHHHHHHH" on her wall. I thought I knew what this meant but wrote to her quickly anyway to ask. She said that she was submitted. I wanted so badly to check my email, but just couldn't do it. I busied myself in the kitchen for awhile and then, I just had to do it! Much to my surprise and sheer joy I saw an email entitled "EP Submission". I started to laugh and cry at the same time. It was a Thursday, so Drew and Tate were home with me and they were very confused. I told them that I was crying because I was happy. There were only three other times in my life when that happened and that was when my boys were born. I picked up the phone and called my friend Tracey. She, too, was hoping and praying for an EP for her son. Unfortunately, she didn't receive the news she was hoping for. I was so sad for her. We had become quite close throughout all of this and I wanted an EP for her son almost as much as she did! So, this news broke my heart. It is a very strange feeling to be so happy for one reason, yet so sad for another. She is dealing with everything and hopes to get her son early next year. I continue to pray for the moms whose wait is not yet over.
This past week, I got an email that Emme is going to have her Visa Physical on the twentieth of this month. The new hospital is doing these earlier, which is a good thing. It shaves a couple of weeks of waiting off. So, another big step will be out of the way. The next big thing will be the EP approval. Normally, this happens about one month after submission, but there was one group this year whose EPs were not approved for three months. I am hoping that will not happen again! Approval in two weeks works fine for me. I guess we'll see what is in store for us! Another piece of paperwork that we may need is called a Class B waiver. This is a report from the doctor that discloses any problems Emme might have and we sign off that we know she has these issues. That is sent out about two weeks after the physical via email. We sign it and overnight it back to Korea. A few more things happen and then we get "The Call". The call is what we have been waiting for since we started this process one year ago! I cannot wait for that phone to ring!
As a family, we decided that rather than travel to Korea to pick up Emme, that we will have her escorted. There were several reasons as to why we made this decision, mostly work related and little boy related. A volunteer flies over to the States with our little girl and we pick her up at the airport. She will most likely fly into Des Moines. This is nice because my in-laws live there and we will be in familiar territory. So, all in all, there is a possibility (if everything goes as it should) that our little one will be here for Thanksgiving. If not, we hope to have her here for Christmas. We continue to ask for prayers for our family for the rest of this process, for Emme's foster family that has to say goodbye, and for the families who continue to wait for good news. Thanks to all of you for your continued support!!!!

Tangled

Owen and I were watching "Tangled" the other night. I explained to him that the king and queen were missing their little girl and he said, "Just like you miss Emme." I have never told him how much I miss his little sister. I only speak positively about the whole adoption, even though there are many times when I could just cry. But, he knows something. He understands that there is more going on in my heart. He must see it in my face and hear it when I talk about her. I should have asked him how he knew that...I suppose I still can. It is interesting, though how much a boy of six understands.
We wait. We do not know anything. Every time I check my email, I hope to see something from Holt. Some words that tell me when I will meet my daughter. I have been waiting for these words for over six months now. It's funny really. I first laid eyes on my daughter on March 15th of this year. This time has gone so quickly, yet so slowly. My boys are growing and learning and flourishing...as is my Emme, but I don't get to see her. I haven't gotten a picture for over two months, but should get one this week because I sent over a care package. I know she is getting more and more beautiful as time passes.
Some of the wonderful ladies that I have met have given up on traveling this year. I can't. I tried and failed. I still have this glimmer of hope, although dim, in my soul. I will continue to hope for travel this year until Holt tells me that it isn't going to happen. I have pictured Emmeline in our Christmas photos and have seen her with my boys on Christmas morning. It is so hard for me to consider that it may not happen. Her room is done, her clothes are hung, her bed is ready. My family is ready. Please God, be ready. Send her home.

What Is Going On?

Good question. What exactly is going on? Problem is...no one knows. And when I say no one, I mean no one. So, as previously reported, our nearly last step of being granted an EP has still not occurred. Why you ask? Yup, me too. And, there was another wrench thrown in this week, which at this point, is really no surprise to anyone that has been on this ride. Korea has now decided that those folks that are Korean American should get priority of the EPs. I am not certain why this is as our adoption agency has not told us yet, but I am thinking it is because they want their kids placed with people that will maintain some of their heritage. I get that. Okay....fine. However, why mess with the EPs? Referrals...I understand that. But I don't understand why they get preference over us for an EP. I have been waiting, not so patiently, for Emme's EP to be submitted. I have been waiting now for nearly five months. I take no issue with the Korean Americans who will get their referrals and EPs faster, because they didn't make the decision. I want to know, though, when their government has made this so hard on me and my family, why make it harder? It cuts to the core. I am upset because I have jumped through every hoop that they have brought to me, paid every bill, and have done everything I was supposed to do. And this happens? Yes, I know that it will all be better once Emme is home....but it doesn't make the wait any easier. Her room has been done for two months now and the only thing that is in her crib is a tiny Korean doll. Not my baby girl. It seems unfair. Adoption isn't about fairness, though. It certainly isn't fair that any of my friends have to wait longer to hold their babies and it wasn't fair that these children had to be put up for adoption in the first place. It is hard. It is not a fun place to be.
Yet, I have hope! We have not yet been told that there are no more EPs for the year. So, maybe??? I have said throughout this whole process that I would love to have Emmeline home for Christmas and it isn't Christmas yet. I once had hopes that she would be here for Halloween and I could dress her as a little princess or maybe Thanksgiving and she could wear the little brown corderuoy dress that I found. I suppose we can do that next year.
What my friends and I need right now are prayers. None of us know what God's timing will be. We need strength to get through more bad news and we need people to rejoice with when we get our good news! Please keep us in your conversations with the Big Guy. I know I feel better knowing people are thinking of us.

Seriously?

You know, this crazy thing called adoption can really get to a person. Not that I wished I hadn't done it, but sometimes....uh, I just don't know what to say. So, I previously posted on the unpredictable EP situation and it has continued to be just that....unpredictable. Korea was supposed to issue EPs this month as well as submissions, but decided not to. Instead, they are doing other random things. So, when will we see some movement here? Unfortunately, no one knows. And why are they doing this? Politics? Regardless, there are many families and children suffering because of this whole deal. Ours included. I don't know that my boys are affected all that much and I can't say that Troy has had quite the visceral response that I have. I suppose it is the whole mom thing coming into play. It is my role to protect my babies and make sure that they are safe and happy. Not that I don't think Emmeline is safe and happy with her foster family, because I am certain that she is. I want that role, though. I am the mom and I need that baby girl home with me!
My heart aches for all of those caught up in this. I don't think it is fair to any of us and it is so hard not having any answers. Will our kids come home this year....next year....ever? I am thankful that I can talk with the other adoptive moms and we can share our feelings with each other. No offense to anyone else, but I truly don't think these feelings can be fully understood unless you are going through it. And, I don't wish that on anyone. This is pretty painful.
I compare all of this to the time when I was going through infertility treatment. There were major steps with each passing month and you didn't know if you passed that step until you went into see the doctor. If the body didn't do what it was supposed to, you take a step back and try again. And again and again. New meds, more meds....waiting. Now it is paperwork, paperwork...waiting. The good news is that patience and fortitude pays off in the end. I have three wonderful boys to show for it! And God willing, I will have a beautiful baby girl, too.
Continued prayers for us and all families that are troubled right now are greatly appreciated. And please pray for our children on the other side of the world.

The Roller Coaster Ride

Happy 1st Birthday to my baby girl on the other side of the world! It is so difficult to be away from her on her birthday. I knew this was going to happen, but it doesn't make it any easier. I did partake in some Happy Joes pizza and some ice cream in remembrance of the day. So, that was a plus!
We got some bad news from Korea yesterday. They are not giving out any Emigration Permits this month and are not allowing any new submissions. That was our next step. They will be giving EPs out at the end of July and we hope to be submitted for one then. No one knows what is going to happen. It is very possible that we won't get one this year. The Korean government has started to limit that amount of international adoptions that take place. I am praying that we get an EP. I did not anticipate having to wait nearly a year to get our daughter. When we signed up with Korea, we were told that we would travel four to eight months from the time of referral. Our agency, of course, did not anticipate this...no one did. They always advocate for the parents and the children, so I know they will work hard to get the kids home. I planned on the full eight months, but was hoping for six. Now, it could be more. Our agency does not know too many of the details, but they do know this has not happened before. Why is it that every country we choose has some sort of hold up? I just want my baby girl home. This is so hard. Please pray for us and for her.

The Big White Envelope

I opened our mailbox on Thursday to find one of the forms I have been waiting for.....our I600 approval! I don't know that I have been so excited to see a piece of paperwork in the mail. I suppose that's not true because I get super excited with every step that gets done in this process. I went into work that day just to fax it to Lisa at Holt. They are two hours behind us, so I was hoping she would get it. I called on Friday to make sure the fax made it to her desk, and alas, it hadn't. I was glad that I called. Who knows how long it would have sat there. From what I understand, she was going to enter that into the computer. I don't know why, but I will take it as a good thing. If I am correct, that information will be sent over to the embassy in Korea. I believe her Visa may be filed for upon receiving that form, but that is a complete guess. When talking to Lisa, I asked if Emme would have precidence for her EP over other cases simply because she is a waiting child. From what I understand, it doesn't make much of a difference. It is all about when the acceptance paperwork was sent in. Had I known this in March, I wouldn't have sat on it for that extra day...as if that makes a difference. Not that I want to be placed ahead of other families that have been waiting for their kids because that wouldn't be fair (although I could accept it ;-) ). However, if they would just add one more EP to the day, I would, of course, prefer that it be Emme's.
I am hoping to have good news regarding her EP next month, but we shall see. I continue to pray to God that He bring my baby girl home to me as fast as He can. That's all I can do...this is and always has been, in His hands.