First Birthday in Seoul

I know that Emmeline has been one since June, but I was recently sent some pictures of her birthday party at Holt! Many children with June birthdays were there. The first birthday is a big deal in Korea. As you can see, the kids have special outfits to wear. I am so glad to receive these pictures. Looks like all of the children were having fun!

Where Have I Been?

Wow, is it time for me to update this blog or what? It's not like I have been busy or anything....okay, maybe just a bit. The month of October has been very good to me! And that the good Lord for that! In the beginning of the month, we got word that Emmeline was submitted for her EP!!!! What wonderful news this was for us. I was actually on Facebook when I saw that a friend had written "AAAAAHHHHHHH" on her wall. I thought I knew what this meant but wrote to her quickly anyway to ask. She said that she was submitted. I wanted so badly to check my email, but just couldn't do it. I busied myself in the kitchen for awhile and then, I just had to do it! Much to my surprise and sheer joy I saw an email entitled "EP Submission". I started to laugh and cry at the same time. It was a Thursday, so Drew and Tate were home with me and they were very confused. I told them that I was crying because I was happy. There were only three other times in my life when that happened and that was when my boys were born. I picked up the phone and called my friend Tracey. She, too, was hoping and praying for an EP for her son. Unfortunately, she didn't receive the news she was hoping for. I was so sad for her. We had become quite close throughout all of this and I wanted an EP for her son almost as much as she did! So, this news broke my heart. It is a very strange feeling to be so happy for one reason, yet so sad for another. She is dealing with everything and hopes to get her son early next year. I continue to pray for the moms whose wait is not yet over.
This past week, I got an email that Emme is going to have her Visa Physical on the twentieth of this month. The new hospital is doing these earlier, which is a good thing. It shaves a couple of weeks of waiting off. So, another big step will be out of the way. The next big thing will be the EP approval. Normally, this happens about one month after submission, but there was one group this year whose EPs were not approved for three months. I am hoping that will not happen again! Approval in two weeks works fine for me. I guess we'll see what is in store for us! Another piece of paperwork that we may need is called a Class B waiver. This is a report from the doctor that discloses any problems Emme might have and we sign off that we know she has these issues. That is sent out about two weeks after the physical via email. We sign it and overnight it back to Korea. A few more things happen and then we get "The Call". The call is what we have been waiting for since we started this process one year ago! I cannot wait for that phone to ring!
As a family, we decided that rather than travel to Korea to pick up Emme, that we will have her escorted. There were several reasons as to why we made this decision, mostly work related and little boy related. A volunteer flies over to the States with our little girl and we pick her up at the airport. She will most likely fly into Des Moines. This is nice because my in-laws live there and we will be in familiar territory. So, all in all, there is a possibility (if everything goes as it should) that our little one will be here for Thanksgiving. If not, we hope to have her here for Christmas. We continue to ask for prayers for our family for the rest of this process, for Emme's foster family that has to say goodbye, and for the families who continue to wait for good news. Thanks to all of you for your continued support!!!!

Tangled

Owen and I were watching "Tangled" the other night. I explained to him that the king and queen were missing their little girl and he said, "Just like you miss Emme." I have never told him how much I miss his little sister. I only speak positively about the whole adoption, even though there are many times when I could just cry. But, he knows something. He understands that there is more going on in my heart. He must see it in my face and hear it when I talk about her. I should have asked him how he knew that...I suppose I still can. It is interesting, though how much a boy of six understands.
We wait. We do not know anything. Every time I check my email, I hope to see something from Holt. Some words that tell me when I will meet my daughter. I have been waiting for these words for over six months now. It's funny really. I first laid eyes on my daughter on March 15th of this year. This time has gone so quickly, yet so slowly. My boys are growing and learning and flourishing...as is my Emme, but I don't get to see her. I haven't gotten a picture for over two months, but should get one this week because I sent over a care package. I know she is getting more and more beautiful as time passes.
Some of the wonderful ladies that I have met have given up on traveling this year. I can't. I tried and failed. I still have this glimmer of hope, although dim, in my soul. I will continue to hope for travel this year until Holt tells me that it isn't going to happen. I have pictured Emmeline in our Christmas photos and have seen her with my boys on Christmas morning. It is so hard for me to consider that it may not happen. Her room is done, her clothes are hung, her bed is ready. My family is ready. Please God, be ready. Send her home.

What Is Going On?

Good question. What exactly is going on? Problem is...no one knows. And when I say no one, I mean no one. So, as previously reported, our nearly last step of being granted an EP has still not occurred. Why you ask? Yup, me too. And, there was another wrench thrown in this week, which at this point, is really no surprise to anyone that has been on this ride. Korea has now decided that those folks that are Korean American should get priority of the EPs. I am not certain why this is as our adoption agency has not told us yet, but I am thinking it is because they want their kids placed with people that will maintain some of their heritage. I get that. Okay....fine. However, why mess with the EPs? Referrals...I understand that. But I don't understand why they get preference over us for an EP. I have been waiting, not so patiently, for Emme's EP to be submitted. I have been waiting now for nearly five months. I take no issue with the Korean Americans who will get their referrals and EPs faster, because they didn't make the decision. I want to know, though, when their government has made this so hard on me and my family, why make it harder? It cuts to the core. I am upset because I have jumped through every hoop that they have brought to me, paid every bill, and have done everything I was supposed to do. And this happens? Yes, I know that it will all be better once Emme is home....but it doesn't make the wait any easier. Her room has been done for two months now and the only thing that is in her crib is a tiny Korean doll. Not my baby girl. It seems unfair. Adoption isn't about fairness, though. It certainly isn't fair that any of my friends have to wait longer to hold their babies and it wasn't fair that these children had to be put up for adoption in the first place. It is hard. It is not a fun place to be.
Yet, I have hope! We have not yet been told that there are no more EPs for the year. So, maybe??? I have said throughout this whole process that I would love to have Emmeline home for Christmas and it isn't Christmas yet. I once had hopes that she would be here for Halloween and I could dress her as a little princess or maybe Thanksgiving and she could wear the little brown corderuoy dress that I found. I suppose we can do that next year.
What my friends and I need right now are prayers. None of us know what God's timing will be. We need strength to get through more bad news and we need people to rejoice with when we get our good news! Please keep us in your conversations with the Big Guy. I know I feel better knowing people are thinking of us.

Seriously?

You know, this crazy thing called adoption can really get to a person. Not that I wished I hadn't done it, but sometimes....uh, I just don't know what to say. So, I previously posted on the unpredictable EP situation and it has continued to be just that....unpredictable. Korea was supposed to issue EPs this month as well as submissions, but decided not to. Instead, they are doing other random things. So, when will we see some movement here? Unfortunately, no one knows. And why are they doing this? Politics? Regardless, there are many families and children suffering because of this whole deal. Ours included. I don't know that my boys are affected all that much and I can't say that Troy has had quite the visceral response that I have. I suppose it is the whole mom thing coming into play. It is my role to protect my babies and make sure that they are safe and happy. Not that I don't think Emmeline is safe and happy with her foster family, because I am certain that she is. I want that role, though. I am the mom and I need that baby girl home with me!
My heart aches for all of those caught up in this. I don't think it is fair to any of us and it is so hard not having any answers. Will our kids come home this year....next year....ever? I am thankful that I can talk with the other adoptive moms and we can share our feelings with each other. No offense to anyone else, but I truly don't think these feelings can be fully understood unless you are going through it. And, I don't wish that on anyone. This is pretty painful.
I compare all of this to the time when I was going through infertility treatment. There were major steps with each passing month and you didn't know if you passed that step until you went into see the doctor. If the body didn't do what it was supposed to, you take a step back and try again. And again and again. New meds, more meds....waiting. Now it is paperwork, paperwork...waiting. The good news is that patience and fortitude pays off in the end. I have three wonderful boys to show for it! And God willing, I will have a beautiful baby girl, too.
Continued prayers for us and all families that are troubled right now are greatly appreciated. And please pray for our children on the other side of the world.

The Roller Coaster Ride

Happy 1st Birthday to my baby girl on the other side of the world! It is so difficult to be away from her on her birthday. I knew this was going to happen, but it doesn't make it any easier. I did partake in some Happy Joes pizza and some ice cream in remembrance of the day. So, that was a plus!
We got some bad news from Korea yesterday. They are not giving out any Emigration Permits this month and are not allowing any new submissions. That was our next step. They will be giving EPs out at the end of July and we hope to be submitted for one then. No one knows what is going to happen. It is very possible that we won't get one this year. The Korean government has started to limit that amount of international adoptions that take place. I am praying that we get an EP. I did not anticipate having to wait nearly a year to get our daughter. When we signed up with Korea, we were told that we would travel four to eight months from the time of referral. Our agency, of course, did not anticipate this...no one did. They always advocate for the parents and the children, so I know they will work hard to get the kids home. I planned on the full eight months, but was hoping for six. Now, it could be more. Our agency does not know too many of the details, but they do know this has not happened before. Why is it that every country we choose has some sort of hold up? I just want my baby girl home. This is so hard. Please pray for us and for her.

The Big White Envelope

I opened our mailbox on Thursday to find one of the forms I have been waiting for.....our I600 approval! I don't know that I have been so excited to see a piece of paperwork in the mail. I suppose that's not true because I get super excited with every step that gets done in this process. I went into work that day just to fax it to Lisa at Holt. They are two hours behind us, so I was hoping she would get it. I called on Friday to make sure the fax made it to her desk, and alas, it hadn't. I was glad that I called. Who knows how long it would have sat there. From what I understand, she was going to enter that into the computer. I don't know why, but I will take it as a good thing. If I am correct, that information will be sent over to the embassy in Korea. I believe her Visa may be filed for upon receiving that form, but that is a complete guess. When talking to Lisa, I asked if Emme would have precidence for her EP over other cases simply because she is a waiting child. From what I understand, it doesn't make much of a difference. It is all about when the acceptance paperwork was sent in. Had I known this in March, I wouldn't have sat on it for that extra day...as if that makes a difference. Not that I want to be placed ahead of other families that have been waiting for their kids because that wouldn't be fair (although I could accept it ;-) ). However, if they would just add one more EP to the day, I would, of course, prefer that it be Emme's.
I am hoping to have good news regarding her EP next month, but we shall see. I continue to pray to God that He bring my baby girl home to me as fast as He can. That's all I can do...this is and always has been, in His hands.

Patience is a Virtue

I have written consistently on what it is like to wait. This, unfortunately, isn't like waiting in line at the grocery store where the end is actually in sight. Although I can scarcely see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is there and I have to have faith that it will get brighter and brighter as time passes. But, what to do with all of this time? I decided to call Holt this past Monday to see where Emme is in obtaining her EP (emigration permit). Lisa tells me that my wait could still be a long one...they have just started with the children whose acceptance papers were submitted in March. We didn't submit until the middle of April. Sigh. I then contacted immigration to see where in tarnation my I-600 is hiding. She was actually nice enough to get it done that day. So, that should be in my hot little hands next week. Not to mention that I thought I only had to wait a week and half to two weeks to get that and it has been over a month. Sigh again. The good news is that most of the paperwork on our end is done, at least for now. Although, the nerd in me wants more busywork to do. I know, very sad.
I sent over our first care package on Monday also. It took about one week for me to compile all the things I wanted to send over. Thanks to a great new friend that I met in our Parents in Process meeting (thanks Heather), I was able to send over some neat stuff. I purchased a recordable book with Daddy, Mommy and Owen reading it, a Sesame Street book with little CDs, little snacks, a dolly holding a soft blankie, three or four onesies, chocolate for the foster family, a toy camera, disposable cameras and a few other small things. I actually got to wrap some of the gifts in princess paper. Weird. The only paper around here is monster trucks, Spiderman or Mario. This will taking a little getting used to, but I am up to the task! Emmeline's birthday is on the 23rd, so I am hoping it makes it there in time.
I have also been purchasing things for Emme's room. I have decided on a pink and green (although mainly pink of course) motif. When Troy takes the boys to the races in a couple of weeks, I have to get some work done in there. Drew is going into Tate's room with him and I think they are going to love bunking together. Drew is not too thrilled about being alone in his room now, so the timing should be good. Hopefully, all goes well.
On that note, that is all the news for now. I am hoping for nothing but good news and eagerly anticipate that travel call!

An Empty House

It isn't very often that Troy and I are at the house all by ourselves! My in-laws are in town and took all three boys camping across the river. I should be doing many different things, but can't seem to get myself off this chair. The house is so quiet. Let me tell you this...I love my boys as much as any mother can love her children, but just thinking about what I would like to do today is lovely. My plan was to plant some flowers, but the rain has dissolved that thought! Perhaps later this afternoon. Troy is parked in front of the television. Two races in one day! And he can watch every minute of them (not that he will because I am sure he will sleep). I love you boys, but I am really enjoying my restful afternoon.
So, where are we in the adoption process? A good guess would be waiting for something. You would be correct. We have sent in the I-600 form, which is basically permission to accept an orphan into our family permanently. This is different from the I-600A, which is the advance petitioning for an orphan. We already received that one back, so hopefully, the next form will come quickly. I sent it in two weeks ago and was told it would be seven to ten business days before receiving approval, so hopefully, it will come this week. Emme's emigration permit has been applied for (I think) and that will take about two months to get back. Then, her visa is applied for. I believe this takes a couple of weeks. There is also a few more steps beyond that. We are hoping she will be home in September or October. The earlier the better if you ask me. Unfortunately, no one asks.
I underestimated the feelings I would undergo as we await our travel call. People ask me often how many children I have. My instant answer is three. That is not true any longer. I have four....one I have yet to meet. It is truly a strange thing...knowing I have a little girl who is nearly one and lives on the other side of the world. It is a difficult thing to wrap my mind around. So, yes, I have four kids...yet it really doesn't seem that way. It will.

Emme

One of the main reasons that adoption takes so long is because of governmental policy...not just that of the United States government, but Korea also. It seems that every division is just so backed up! For example, our little girl's visa takes two months to get and then there is more waiting after that. I just submitted her legal paperwork and our I-600 immigration form on Monday, so hopefully we will hear back from that late next week. Then, we wait. And wait. And wait. And then probably wait some more. But, this is what we signed up for. And I will wait as long as I need to in order to get my daughter home! I look at her picture every day and wonder what she is doing at that very moment. It seems strange to me that I know she exists, but she has no idea who I am! She will eventually....I hope she likes me.
We finally decided on a name for our little girl. Troy took a while to come around to it, but put it on the mother's ring he got me for Mother's Day. What a guy! We haven't quite decided on Emmeline or Emmelyn, but we will call her Emme. Also, we have chosen Joelle for her middle name. This is Jo for my mom, -ell for my grandma, and my middle name is Daelle, so it's close to mine. All in all, I am thrilled. My little prize...my Emme.

My Boys

I was just checking my blog tonight and noticed the picture of all three boys at the top. I found myself wondering about time and curious as to how it passes so quickly. That picture was taken one year ago on Easter. To me, my boys look the same, but if they were standing in front of me right now, I would see the differences in them. In this life, the only job I ever really wanted was to be a mom. Everything else came after it. Last night, the boys were particularly clingy. So much that I hid in the laundry room just for ten minutes of peace and quiet. Tonight, I am embarrassed by that. They are little for such a short period of time and there I was, huddled in the laundry room. Now, I do think that every mom needs some time away, so maybe it is just guilt that I am feeling. I love my boys with every ounce of my being. My life would be empty without them. God gave me three precious children and sometimes I just need to remind myself that it won't be like this for long. That is actually a song by Darius Rucker (Hootie). I am not a fan of his, but this song has deep meaning. It seems like they grow an inch in the blink of an eye. I simply want my boys to know that I love them more than anyone else ever could and I will never stop hugging them too long or kissing them one to many times. No matter how big they get, they will always be my little boys.

The Only Thing that Stays the Same is that Everything Changes

I decided I had better update my blog before our daughter actually comes home. ;-) We received a call in early March about a little girl that needed a home. This was nothing that we had anticipated...we had still thought that our little one was going to be Ethiopian. Holt sent us the child's file and we fell in love! She is a beautiful nine month old baby girl. She appears very healthy at this point and we hope she stays that way! If not, we are her family and will love her regardless! We have been told that six months is the normal wait time, so we wait. Troy is planning on traveling with my dad. Unfortunately, I am not going. I would love to. The idea of both Troy and me on a flight is slightly scary and I want to use my time off work to be home with the boys and my new daughter. I do think that this is going to be a long six months! Please pray for all of us...our daughter, her foster family, our family and everyone who will be in this precious little girl's life. Thank you again for your continued love and support!

Fingerprint Appointment!

We got our fingerprint appointments in the mail yesterday! Mine is on St. Patrick's Day and Troy's is the day after. I am excited! The only problem is that the government may be shutting down. Ugh. Figures. The one time we need something from the government and it may not be functioning. Let's hope the people in Washington can figure something out! I need to get this done! Why is it always something? I never would have guessed that this was a possibility....let's hope it all works out!

On the Wrong Side of the Circle of Life

It has been a week of major downs and an up for us. We have known five people that have gone to heaven this past week. Five. The one that really hit home was the husband of my cousin. He was killed in a freak accident at the age of 33. He and my cousin have three small children and it really leaves a person to wonder why this happens. No one knows. When I reach the pearly gates, that is one of the many questions I will have for God. Why? I don't know that He will have an answer for me and frankly, I may not even be interested in the answer once my earthly life is gone and I have no worries. But, while I am here, I would like to know why awful things happen to good people. It doesn't seem to make any sense at all. Tomorrow, we have to put my dog to sleep. He has been my buddy since we brought him home from the pound six years ago. Samson has been a great dog for our family and will be sadly missed. Having to say goodbye to those that we love in this life is so hard, but I have faith that we will all be together again. One of the wonderful things is that today is my Drew's 4th birthday! We had a great day together! We went to McDonalds Playland for lunch and visited Jumpin' Janes for supper and had lots of fun with the cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. We are so lucky to be loved. Happy Birthday sweet boy...I love you more than you will ever know!

Where Are We?

The typical answer to this question in the adoption world is "waiting" and that is my answer now. Our check cleared today from USCIS, so I am hoping to get our fingerprint appointment in the mail in the next week. I don't know if that is a pipe dream or not, but a girl can dream. I am thinking that our appointment will be three weeks after that and then we get our "okay" about a week to two after that. A whole bunch of hurry up and wait. I just want to get on that wait list to wait some more! That makes no sense, does it?

Sick of Being Sick!

Why is it that I can't get healthy this winter? It has been brutal! I don't know that my sinuses have been clear since September. Strep throat last week and the amoxicillin isn't clearing what I think is a sinus infection. Go away bugs! Leave me and my children alone! How obnoxious is all of this? My goal is to be completely healthy by Drew's birthday, which is coming up next week! My guy is going to be four! Oh my goodness! Gotta tell you, though, that he is a smart little bugger and pretty darn funny. But, four? That's crazy talk. I need to cuddle that little guy more. Before I know it, he'll be a teenager.

Moving On

So, God's plan was different than what I had anticipated. I suppose I can work with that! So, yesterday, we sent in our I-600A paperwork to Dallas. This is mainly asking for permission to bring a little one into the country. I have been told that it shouldn't take more than 45 days to process. Really? 45 days? To look me up and see that I am not a criminal? That shouldn't take that long. I have a feeling it is because of the whole "Smith" thing. Might be a few of those to look through. Then, we have to go to Des Moines for more fingerprinting. Apparently, the government can't just use the ones we had done over the summer. They need fresh ones. Oh, and more money, too. Ah yes, the government hard at work. After we have our finalized forms from the immigration department, we can finally send in our dossier to Holt, and then they send it to Ethiopia, and then we get on the wait list. Hoping we make it to the wait list by Easter. We shall see!

The News

So, for one month now, we have been anticipating whether or not we would be the parents of a little girl from Korea. We got news yesterday....the answer was no. It was a word I had considered that we may hear, yet the word still stung. No? Why? What is wrong with my family? Why would you think that we wouldn't be a good family for this little one? All of these questions still run through my head and they are still unanswered. Unfortunately, I don't know the answers and probably never will. Going in to the adoption realm, I knew that God had a plan for me and my family. For the last month, I thought I had an idea as to what that plan might be...I was wrong. That doesn't mean that it is good or bad...just that I was on the wrong track. I still feel badly that this little girl won't be living under the same roof as me, getting presents from Santa with my boys, and smiling with us in our family pictures. It wasn't meant to be. I left this whole thing in God's hands and He is who I look to for direction. He is pointing me elsewhere, to a little girl who is waiting just for me. I will keep looking for her.

Going Crazy!

Okay, so the reason we are considering a different option is because we found a waiting child that we are in love with, so we applied to adopt her. There is one other family who has decided to proceed with her as well, so now we are waiting to hear who Holt believes would be the better family for her. We have been in "limbo" for over two weeks now and it will be at least another week before we hear anything. This is a very hard thing...and my heart is breaking. The other family decided late to proceed, so I kind of had it in my head that this little girl could be ours. That was a mistake. We are told not to bond with the waiting children for this reason...I got too attached and was picturing this little one in our family. I should have known better. I had another "Give it to God" moment and am leaving it in His hands. If we the chosen family, I will be so thrilled, and if we are not...it will be very upsetting, but then God is telling me to proceed in Ethiopia. The saddest part for me will be deleting all of her information. I used to look at her picture every day...not wanting to go one day without seeing her pretty little face. Since we found out there is another family in the mix, I have tried to distance myself, but that is so hard. I fell in love with this little girl! Dear God, please do what you think is best for this little one and keep this mommy strong.

Beanbag Tournament

Last night, we held a beanbag tournament at Courtside here in Dubuque. We opened it to our friends and then they opened it to their friends. A good time was had by all! It was nice to just get out of the house and hang out with other adults! We are truly thankful to those that came out in support of our adoption. You have no idea how grateful to are to all of you. Next up is bowling in March. I won't bombard Facebook with that yet. But, that will happen. Oh yes...it will. God Bless Our Family & Friends.

Up in the Air

There have been alot of changes with the Ethiopia program lately and, frankly, it doesn't seem as though many of them have been good. The process is even longer now and isn't getting any cheaper. I have found myself wondering what I am getting into. I know that in the end, time will not matter, and a year really isn't a long time. We have considered another option (no, not pregnancy) and will see how it pans out. I will certainly keep everyone posted. Until then!